I wish I could say something is changing for me as the season is changing from winter to spring.
From my bedroom window I can hear the nestlings of the birds that have built their nest under the eaves, above my bedroom window. I can see the trees and the flowers blooming in the fields. The dark green of winter is giving way to the light green of spring. And yet, in my heart, the gray colors of winter are becoming darker each day.
I turn from the window to face my mother.
She has been talking to me about change. She is convinced I need to change something in my life: I need to forget and move on.
Yes, I need a change, but not that one!
I need to see him again. I need to know why I haven’t heard from him during the last six months.
Either my parents and my brother are hiding something from me, or something has happened to him.
All the news I have from him arrives through my brother, his best friend, but for the last 6 months my brother has heard nothing of him.
My mother is trying to convince me that he probably got engaged with someone and is too busy to write.
I don’t believe that. If he were to get married, he would certainly write to my brother to tell him the news, even if it was only to get the message to me!
No, he would not do that to me! He would not leave me. At least not without a word.
I want to scream to my mother: “We were going to get married!”. But she doesn’t know that. She only knows that I love him. No one knows he loves me back.
We found out we love each other a month before his departure to his brother’s estate in the north. That was the happiest month of my life. The day before he left, he asked me if I would marry him, and I said yes.
He was going to talk to my parents, and my brother, as soon as he was back… But he has not come back yet.
And now they want to convince me that he is not back because he doesn’t want to!
I hear steps outside my bedroom door and, a moment later, my mother’s endless speech is interrupted by a nock in the door.
I hasten to open the door, wanting to escape my mother, and am faced with my brother. His face is so pale that my mother joins us worried and makes him sit in a chair I have near the door.
He says nothing but keeps staring at me.
The letter has finally arrived.
His best friend, the love of my life, is missing.
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